The logic of strange days
About a week ago three strange things happened. 1. I saw a kid get beat up. 2. I saw a woman fall off her bicycle and onto her helmetless head. 3. I fell in a hole.
When I told people about these events their reactions varied. Most people said something like, "Whoa! Sorry you had to experience that stuff." Others said, "Good for you for standing up for that kid." A few said, "Hope your ankle gets better soon." One friend wrote on fb: "The universe only gives us as much as we can handle; this is a testament to your strength."
Here's my take: I am moving toward the void.
The void is what some spiritual people focus on when they meditate--i.e. nothingness--and when I look into the eyes of the only enlightened person I know (Amma), I see an expanse of space and stars.
I move toward emptiness in a physical way: I whittle down my possessions. I eliminate objects and desire. And what those three events provided was an opportunity to discard some emotional baggage. Allow me to explain.
We all know what happens when we experience stress at work: we get tight shoulders. This is a simple example of the principle any yoga practitioner can tell you about: we store experience in our bodies. Often, as kids, if we experience something we cannot compute, it is stored in our hips or hearts or low backs or necks. The experience sits there, like hibernating bear in a cave. But... if we are given an opportunity to re-experience something similar at a later date--and the conditions are such that we react and process that similar event differently--then we have an opportunity to move the old ache out too.
In dance therapy they call this "cycling through." A kinesthetic person can cycle through a distressing emotion by following these steps: 1) notice where they feel the discomfort in their body, 2) feel it/be present with it, 3) watch the sensation and notice how it wants to move. Maybe it will move into the eyes through tears, into the mouth through sound, into the arms or legs through movement. Watch and react.
Old emotions can also be cleared through breath or yoga or a million other modalities and they all involve awareness. In the case of emotional blindspots (the things we carry that are not, for whatever reason, in our concious awareness), we sometimes encounter situations in the world that point to something that needs to be healed. Often these are the situations we find most frustrating or a certain type of person that keeps coming back into our lives and wreaking all kinds of havoc.
I first began to think about the significance of these events because all three happened when I was feeling pretty good. I was content, well-rested, supported. Then, kerblammo!, out of the silence of a Sunday walk there was a woman screaming and wriggling on the road with a broken nose, arm, and a terrible bump on her forehead. A man nearby placed her head on her backpack and said she needed to be kept still and on her side. I was standing there, blinking at all the blood. Feeling nothing.
I knelt down and placed one hand firmly on her shin, the other on her heel (two places that were unharmed) and stabilized her. She was in a lot of pain. She was swearing up and down. I began to feel sick to my stomach. She kept saying how stupid she was for not wearing a helmet. After the paramedics strapped her to a board and carted her away, I walked a half a block then noticed my legs were numb and wobbly. I sat down beside the sidewalk and started to shake a bit, involuntarily. Tears came out of my eyes. I coughed. I came close to throwing up. I texted a girlfriend and asked her to call me please, quickly. After I calmed down and after I talked to my friend, I had a healthy meal, hugs, a cup of chamomile tea.
Some tragic events are the way the world wakes us up--one way the intelligent clockwork of the universe (aka, God) helps us shed weight like water off feathers. I have learned how to cycle through old trauma. I notice and watch the way my body reacts. Or, if it is not reacting, not breathing. Nothing stays the same. Even if I wanted to hold tight onto the past, it would, eventually, elude me. I release old pain. I am lighter. There is less ego than there was before. Someday, maybe you'll look in my eyes, and see nothing but stars.
courtesy galactic trading cards : www.elvism.net
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